The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
