It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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