i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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