You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
