My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
