so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
