I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
please come you make the beer taste better
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
