So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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