I like my sex mixed with concussions.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
