only if we run a train.
done.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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