"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
