I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
