so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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