She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
