there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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