C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
