Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize