I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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