You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
