Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
