Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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