Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
