This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
