Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Randomize
