i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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