...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
