If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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