Midget sex pt 2 tonight
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
