whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
