That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
