party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
50% drunk capacity currently
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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