So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
