I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
