I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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