so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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