it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
