Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
