i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
