Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
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