Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
