I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I am available for nakedness
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
