My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
