Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
