someone threw a dead crab at me
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
This is the high leading the old right now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
