Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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