blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
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