I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
