Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
