I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
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