I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
