I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
