he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
