I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
