She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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