Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
