I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
