Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
