Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
