I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
