the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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