Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
