we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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