eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
