Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
