Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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